This post isn't for you. It's for me. It's so I can remember the last days of my dad, despite how hard it is to write about this. This is an intimate post and maybe it's not appropriate to write this stuff here but if you want to read it, you can. Cancer isn't pretty.
I started going to my parent's house on Monday, October 8th. I would work from home for 2-3 hours and then come over and assist in any way I could, whether it was to help shift my dad around in bed, wash his hair, (he loved the way it felt when I washed his hair) help him drink liquids or administer medicine. I would stay for awhile, go back home and work for another hour or two and then go back and stay as late as needed. My dad spent the entire day in bed and around 9-10 pm when it seemed like he wanted to get out, we decided it wasn't worth it at that point.
He slipped away a little more each day. On Tuesday, he drank an Ensure drink around 10 pm, which counts as a meal and that was the last time he "ate" or really drank. He would have sips of water with his pills but he never had a full glass of water.
He was so weak. He has some upper body strength but he lost all strength in his legs as the bone cancer took that all away. He couldn't move his legs at all and relied on my mom and I to re-position him when needed.
He spent a lot of his last days "re-living" his life. He talked a lot in his sleep and talked a lot to people we couldn't see. He talked of so many things; cars, work, people, numbers, etc. He was transitioning into a different world.
My dad had multiple family members over during Thursday and Friday. By Friday night, he wasn't completely aware of the people that were around him.
My mom, sister and myself spent the whole weekend with my dad. We continued to see his decline and knew the end was close.
On Saturday, the hospice nurse Kathy came over and said that his heart was so very strong and if he was 88 instead of 58, he would have hours left. We were literally by his side for 14 hours that day. M was also with us for the majority of the day. My dad had been unresponsive for the entire day. At one point, my sister and I told him that we loved him and we heard the smallest, "I love you" back. That's the last time we heard him talk.
On Saturday night, we all gathered around him and played "Layla" and "Rambling Man" from my phone. Those were his favorite songs. We also played a bagpipe version of "Amazing Grace" as my dad liked the bagpipes. We told him many times that it was ok to go. By midnight, M and I decided to go home and sleep. We only live 3 minutes away and we anticipated a call to come during the night from my mom. That never happened. When we woke up early on Sunday, we were amazed he made it through the night. Poor Dad.
On Sunday, it almost seemed like he wasn't as bad as Saturday. We felt like he was back to the way he was on Friday. That's hard to explain but when you are next to someone for so long and monitoring everything, you can tell the slightest bit of "improvement" or deterioration. We let him sleep by himself for a good part of the day while we were in the living room continually checking in on him and giving him medicine. By Sunday night around 10 pm, his breathing had changed. It started to slow down and we thought that was the end. We sat around him for about an hour like this but then we adjusted his body a bit and he went back to breathing like he had been. My sister and I both slept there, with my mom and I sleeping in the room he was in. My dad was on heavy medication at this point and I got up every two hours through the night to give him medicine and then my mom would get up every couple of hours to give him medicine as well. It was a really rough night for me. I didn't sleep really at all. It was at 6 am when my dad's breathing started to slow again. I woke up my sister and we both sat at my dad's side for awhile but my sister went back to bed. I sat there for a total of an hour before heading back to bed. I can't believe he made it through another night.
I told my mom on Monday morning that it would be nice if my dad would go before noon. I know that seems weird to say but he wasn't suffering from pain anymore as he was drugged up but it was so hard to see him like this. We went into the living room and talked about some funeral arrangements. The time was 11:11 am on the clock and I said my sister and mom, let's make a wish. We all know what it would be. About 11:25 am, we were talking and I said, "Listen". We could tell that my dad's breathing had changed so we went to his room to be around him. This time we knew it was happening. We said our I love you's while we watched my dad's breath slow and he gracefully stop breathing. We were bawling incredibly as we continued to look at his lifeless body but relieved that he no longer lived in a cancer-ridden body. As of Monday, October 15th at 11:30 am, my dad was now free of cancer.
We called Kathy and she came over and pronounced him. She called the funeral home and they came over and picked him up while my mom, sister and I left the townhouse and took a walk, upon suggestion of Kathy. M came over and stayed in the house and let us know when us girls could come back. For me, it was a smooth transition except the fact I saw the Cadillac hearse drive away in between the houses. I wish I hadn't seen that.
I started going to my parent's house on Monday, October 8th. I would work from home for 2-3 hours and then come over and assist in any way I could, whether it was to help shift my dad around in bed, wash his hair, (he loved the way it felt when I washed his hair) help him drink liquids or administer medicine. I would stay for awhile, go back home and work for another hour or two and then go back and stay as late as needed. My dad spent the entire day in bed and around 9-10 pm when it seemed like he wanted to get out, we decided it wasn't worth it at that point.
He slipped away a little more each day. On Tuesday, he drank an Ensure drink around 10 pm, which counts as a meal and that was the last time he "ate" or really drank. He would have sips of water with his pills but he never had a full glass of water.
He was so weak. He has some upper body strength but he lost all strength in his legs as the bone cancer took that all away. He couldn't move his legs at all and relied on my mom and I to re-position him when needed.
He spent a lot of his last days "re-living" his life. He talked a lot in his sleep and talked a lot to people we couldn't see. He talked of so many things; cars, work, people, numbers, etc. He was transitioning into a different world.
My dad had multiple family members over during Thursday and Friday. By Friday night, he wasn't completely aware of the people that were around him.
My mom, sister and myself spent the whole weekend with my dad. We continued to see his decline and knew the end was close.
On Saturday, the hospice nurse Kathy came over and said that his heart was so very strong and if he was 88 instead of 58, he would have hours left. We were literally by his side for 14 hours that day. M was also with us for the majority of the day. My dad had been unresponsive for the entire day. At one point, my sister and I told him that we loved him and we heard the smallest, "I love you" back. That's the last time we heard him talk.
On Saturday night, we all gathered around him and played "Layla" and "Rambling Man" from my phone. Those were his favorite songs. We also played a bagpipe version of "Amazing Grace" as my dad liked the bagpipes. We told him many times that it was ok to go. By midnight, M and I decided to go home and sleep. We only live 3 minutes away and we anticipated a call to come during the night from my mom. That never happened. When we woke up early on Sunday, we were amazed he made it through the night. Poor Dad.
On Sunday, it almost seemed like he wasn't as bad as Saturday. We felt like he was back to the way he was on Friday. That's hard to explain but when you are next to someone for so long and monitoring everything, you can tell the slightest bit of "improvement" or deterioration. We let him sleep by himself for a good part of the day while we were in the living room continually checking in on him and giving him medicine. By Sunday night around 10 pm, his breathing had changed. It started to slow down and we thought that was the end. We sat around him for about an hour like this but then we adjusted his body a bit and he went back to breathing like he had been. My sister and I both slept there, with my mom and I sleeping in the room he was in. My dad was on heavy medication at this point and I got up every two hours through the night to give him medicine and then my mom would get up every couple of hours to give him medicine as well. It was a really rough night for me. I didn't sleep really at all. It was at 6 am when my dad's breathing started to slow again. I woke up my sister and we both sat at my dad's side for awhile but my sister went back to bed. I sat there for a total of an hour before heading back to bed. I can't believe he made it through another night.
I told my mom on Monday morning that it would be nice if my dad would go before noon. I know that seems weird to say but he wasn't suffering from pain anymore as he was drugged up but it was so hard to see him like this. We went into the living room and talked about some funeral arrangements. The time was 11:11 am on the clock and I said my sister and mom, let's make a wish. We all know what it would be. About 11:25 am, we were talking and I said, "Listen". We could tell that my dad's breathing had changed so we went to his room to be around him. This time we knew it was happening. We said our I love you's while we watched my dad's breath slow and he gracefully stop breathing. We were bawling incredibly as we continued to look at his lifeless body but relieved that he no longer lived in a cancer-ridden body. As of Monday, October 15th at 11:30 am, my dad was now free of cancer.
We called Kathy and she came over and pronounced him. She called the funeral home and they came over and picked him up while my mom, sister and I left the townhouse and took a walk, upon suggestion of Kathy. M came over and stayed in the house and let us know when us girls could come back. For me, it was a smooth transition except the fact I saw the Cadillac hearse drive away in between the houses. I wish I hadn't seen that.
3 comments:
Thank you for sharing xoxoxo
Dana - I just want you to know I think that you are an amazing person and an amazing daughter...
I am so very sorry Dana. :(
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